Creating brand report

Following up on last weeks foray into my customisation of a nice invoice template, where I bought a new domain just so that the email address would take up less space in the design, I set up a new Koken install on said domain. Behold, is now an empty sheet onto which I will pour my professionalism and coherence. Which frees this blog up for even more random stuff, allowing me to really let loose.

My temporary employment at Akademin Valand is drawing to an end, and seeing as I’m joining the precariat once again I found it prudent to get a proper portfolio site up and running. Thus the site. I’m rather temperamental when it comes to putting together samples of my work. Consequently, I’ve so far put up nothing.

My reluctance is partly based on my uncertainty of what it is I really do. For the past fifteen or so years during which I’ve slid from unpaid creative work alongside paying menial work, to paying creative work, I’ve had a devil of a time coming to terms with what constitutes “work” and “title” and “profession.” I’ve joked about creating a “professional dilettante” calling card many times, but haven’t done so although the title would fit. (Most people I tried it on don’t know what a “dilettante” is so I end up having to explain it and come of as a “professional dilettante jerk” instead.)

But this is reflected in how I understand myself. I do do commissioned photography, but it’s not all I do so I feel a bit disingenuous when I present myself with a profile which is exclusively focused on my photo and editing experience. This blog is probably a better reflection of what I do, especially when someone reads more than the first couple of posts, but what kind of image is that? When the practicality of “getting work” meets ones requirement to “be truthful” I lean towards the latter to the detriment of legibility and focus.

Possibly it’s best to be “true enough” or at least “not lie” when it comes to these things – if I select the works I believe speak to my strengths and showcase them as best I can, it’s not untruthful; it’s just very omissive. Could it be this is what is known as being “professional” and that I’m just late to the game? It would be in line with other blank spots I’m constantly discovering in my personality and behaviour.

Perhaps I ought just to ask some friends in the business to help me style a portfolio? Talk to some photo buyers who could actually help determine if I should pursue this or not. If I’m uninterested in something I do a half-assed job of it, but perhaps I’m just not good enough to do the projects I’d actually be interested in, which would give an indication of what I’d need to do to get there. Too often I assume that it’s a question of will to accomplish something, underestimating the value of skill and experience, and so it can be liberating to learn that what I’m doing is trite garbage; it gives you a direction and a goal, and hints at a roadmap you could follow to become better, more interesting, more serious and fun.

Ok it’s settled; I’ll get in touch with some image editors and ask their advice and judgement. It goes up on the list next to “learn soil analysis” and “design an origami box for the drone pin”, but before “learn the trombone like Antoine in Treme” and circle back to it once I’m officially unemployed…

Math and ambitions

With only three weeks left of the math course, I gave up on it. And five minutes later I thought I’d give it a shot anyway. Shortly after which I threw up my hands in disgust at my indecision and decided to put away the calculator. A minute later I picked it up again with a “fuck it all to fuck, let’s do this thing and take it to the next level” etc. And what do you know, in ten days time I managed to scrape through. This was done with the smallest of margins, and with the pitter-patter of a TI-82 haunting my dreams, but I passed Math C. So with a “yay me” I applied to the introductory course to natural sciences, and ended up way back in the reserve line — apparently because I’d forgotten to send in the grades from high-school. So two steps forward and a stumble backwards. Regardless, I’m glad I got it done, as I now can apply for computer courses and other such things which my mom is hopeful will “perhaps one day land you a job — a real one, I mean”.

Seeing as I need to make more money than I am, and that what little ambition I have is spread very thinly over too many half-assed ideas and projects, I’ve made a resolution not to have more than four things running at the same time. It’s time to reassess if what I’m doing is out of habit or if it’s actually moving a “career” in a “direction.” As so many other “previously ambitious” people, I’m way under-stimulated and seem to lack the drive to do anything specific. It’s people in my position who I imagine are snatched up by cults and set to typeset Glorious Masters Bowel Cleansing Guide to sell at the airport.

I used to say that I was interested in communication, in how meaning is created and in turn creates more communication. Driving that interest is the hope that it’s not all arbitrary – that there’s actually something developing, evolving, in this collective exchange – but my lack of communication, and actually lack of interest in doing art work lately, might stem from me not having anything important to say at the moment and not trusting that the process will generate something. For all the talk of the wonderful things happening online, I haven’t found new homes there to replace those that I’ve lost; old KDX servers and homepages which didn’t tie into a Facebook infrastructure of likes and accessibility. Also, I don’t hang out with as many artists as I used to, so there’s that as well – I’m a wide object with little mass, so the friction of everyday life slows me down tremendously and I come to rest at the shallowest of indentations.

This is a roundabout way of saying that I’m bored and need to get a project of the ground, into the air, and either crash it spectacularly into a mountainside or land it successfully, applauded by relieved passengers.

Math: A tangent, derived. Malmö

I’ve finally signed up for math-class, and am struggling with the “Matematik C” curriculum. I need it to get into any course related to computers or natural sciences, but I’m not putting near enough effort into it. It’s been fifteen years since I last took math, and back then my antipathy to math was so strong I was actively trying to forget what little I learned.

Actually, the course is officially over but I’ve asked for a month extension to allow me to catch up, so we’ll see how that’ll go. I need to do the test the 18th at the latest to be sure that my uni application for fall goes through, but this requires a couple of hours of daily practice. And I’m out of practice.

I might be doing the same mistake I did when studying philosophy, assuming that as long as you put your mind to it you ought to be able to figure things out from first principles. So you start with an intuitive understanding of 1+1 and build on that. But at this level math is mostly about learning by rote, and because I’ve been out to the loop for so long, half the time I don’t even know what problem I’m tasked with answering. “Describe a function” is not an invitation to write an essay, but something with an actual answer, and as always when you’re learning something new, the glossary seems arbitrary and made up by a stupid-poopy-head.

The TI-82 graphing calculator Zenobia lent me has a 150 page manual, and having been spoiled by GUIs for so long it feels as if I’m learning Dwarf Fortress. But it’s fun in a PRESS SHIFT+Ln+min/max way and I’m scouring the second hand market for a calculator of my own. SMBC sums up my findings quite well so far.

On the upside, I designed and printed my own graphing paper, and had it bound. Each page has different colours, and the paper is watermarked and really nice to write on using the extra soft pencil leds I found in the third store I asked. My priorities are not what they ought to be, but at least my notebook is perty.

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As a small vacation, I and Sara took a weekend in Malmö. I haven’t spent much time there, so we had three days walking about, taking pictures of her old haunts and apartments, gorging ourselves on vegan cake and whatnots. Nice city, and it would have been even better if we’d gotten ourselves bikes. Speaking of which, the Malmö initiative Cykelköket has a branch in Göteborg. They seem nice!

early new year resolution

Back in GBG after a few days spend christmasing with family in Stockholm. Lots and lots of food. I now have a, whaddayacallit, jacket? Jaquette? Sports coat? Makes me look all grown up and full of stylish responsibility.

Managed to piss Anna off by vocalising what I guess is my general lack of approval of things, or, y’know, life in general. And at some point you have to pay attention to how you are perceived and act accordingly; Especially if it’s good friends that speak with urgency.

So I figure I might as well give my planned new years resolution a slow start. A transitional period if you will. Last years promis was to “just say yes“. It has worked quite well, and I’m sorta pleased with myself. I haven’t gotten myself into too many strange situations, but I’ve met some new people and had more fun than what I would have had had I not made the resolution. (very convoluted sentence)

I came up with 2007 years resolution a couple of weeks ago when I realised that I am not having much fun, and I whine and complain a lot. Granted, this has always been a mainstay of the Mateusz charm, but it’s gotten out of hand lately what with the unemployment, MFA essay and show. Basically, I’m being boring and bored.

So the resolution for 2007 is this:
I promise to not be bored (and not be boring) in 2007 by combining some sort of effort with the 2006 years resolution (the “say yes” thing). I’m going to use words like “fun” and “awesome” more, and with what I’ve read about cognitive behavioural psychology this will result in me sooner or later actually meaning what I say. You only have as fun as you allow yourself would be the hopeful creed.

• Not wasting time
• Put myself in situations that have funpotential
• “Grab life by the balls” and kick the living shit out of it


I stumbled upon this “history of religion” and thought that it illustrates both what I was suggesting for a graphical representation of history, as well as the problems and pitfalls:

Making this must have taken quite some time in research and production, and yet it doesn’t cover much at all. It’s extremely general and doesn’t present an explanation of anything, although it gives a good overview of chronology and geography of the five main religions.

Ideally, you’d be able to add to this; edit the relationships and explanations and motivations while retaining the graphical presentation and making it “meldable” with others’ maps and explanations.

Eh. I’ll get back to this when I’ve thought things through a bit. (They have a cia secret prison map as well. it’s odd)

In the mean time, here are two links on “semantic web” to check out. (I interpret semantic web as meaning that the links and relationships between nodes/pages/resources actually become usable for us humans):
[both links from todays, because I’m boingboings bitch.

And I don’t know what the deal is with this guy, but I’m sure he has something interesting to tell you:
Somehow related to Ze Frank (whom you should watch and cherish like a tasty cake):

And for those of you who are lucky enough to read Swedish, this is a very nice blog that lists interesting internet thingies:

Odd search terms

Went to a one hour long interview for a two week job restocking a store. I guess they want to be sure who they pool out to whom, but I see a competing workpool company doing this all through video, youtube style, and cutting down on personel and office space.

I check the stats of this site quite often, and for the umnpht time I bring you “search features that have brough people here“. I took a few out in the middle, but it’s the last three that are interesting:

1 4 11.76% appropriate christmas
16 1 2.94% drunken christmas songs
17 1 2.94% favorite christmas tunes
18 1 2.94% foto possy
19 1 2.94% highlands bird and pet clinic renton
20 1 2.94% japan social networking

Seriously, highlands bird and pet clinic renton? I’m doubting the effectiveness of Webalizer. Have to use the Google analysis tool instead, even though it’s not as fun.

Then I took a test which proved once and for all that I’m destined to be alone and sooner or later kill people silently. Maybe this is what I should have brought to the work interview?

You scored as Special Ops.
Special ops. You’re sneaky, tactful, and a loner. You prefer to do your jobs alone, working where you don’t come into contact with people. But everyonce in a while you hit it big and are noticed and given fame. Your given the more sensitive problems. You get things done, and do what has to be done.


Special Ops
Combat Infantry
Support Gunner

Which soldier type are you?
created with


Det känns som att jag missat något. Bokmässan slutade för en dryg timme sedan och jag känner mig otillfredsställd. Kanske är det trötthet. Nu är det dags att gå hem och sova. Sen börjar recensionerna. Och så ska jag ju lägga upp ljud & video från föreläsningarna. Och skriva rent två av dem. Först sova dock. Whiskeyn på presscentret påminde mig bara om att jag inte ätit något förutom en banan till frukost.

Jag vet med mig att jag inte brukar kommentera bloggar själv, men holla om ni (o)gillade något. Funkade videoinslagen eller var jag på tog för egenkär? Personligt är bra, men egotrippat är tråkigt. Kommentera för helvetet! schnell! Jag har bara ett år att förbereda mig inför nästa bokmässa så jag ska fanimig läsa alla böckerna som kommit ut där sedan Hedenhös och boka upp mig på intervjuer och sätta upp ett foto-bås och fanimig. Helvetet. Ah. Åh. Osv.


I’ve always had a thing for doing t-shirts. It’s something about wearing my heart on my sleeve (of which I btw have a design), and being obtrusely juvenile. So imagine my joy when I found out about Lotsa fun tshirt designs, and rather on the cheap side. (unless you order three or more, in which case you end up paying tax when it arrived within the EU)

So I submitted my first design the other week:

And to my surprise it wasn’t even allowed into the competition. What the hell I thought, they’ve had blood and gore and suicide t-shirt, and they didn’t allow this one in? I know they don’t like text-based designs, but I thought I was being rather clever.

Oh, well, I’m not one to give up to easily, so despite not being able to draw if so my life depended on it, I traced and photoshopped this one up:

Again, more clever than well executed, but whatever. If it’s get entered into the running I’ll be sure to post it up here as a minor achievement… In the meantime, y’all better get accounts there so that if it does get accepted you’ll be ready to vote for it and shower me with praise and such like.

Film-festival. Beer. Olives

The film festival has begun and of course it was time to end my two days of sobriety by going to the opening at Järntorget.

Contrary to my friends opinions, I found that most people in there were very pretty. In a we-look-good-and-we-know-it sort of way. It was also very crowded, so I set about drinking myself into the mindset of a bowling pin – I wouldn’t mind wobbling about and being pushed as much, was the idea.

It’s a strange thing. The promises of sleezy and (on my part) slightly flabby sex turned out to be nothing more than another sweet lie told to me by my friend the alcohol in order that it could mingle with more of his beer friends in my gut.

Sanity preveiled though, and at two o’clock Anna, Mateusz, Anna and Olle (AMAO) took a cab home where Mateusz cooked late-night pasta and proceeded with kicking Olle in the proverbial nuts at Xbox.

Then sleep. Good old fashion lonely, cold, sleep. bu-hu. and so on.