The past week and weekend has seen me doing three things:
* Calling companies for work.
* Playing chess and drinking beer.
* Getting inoculated for hepatitis a&b.
Oddly enough, I don’t worry as much as maybe I should.
Ever since I left for Iceland a couple of years ago, returning with a passable Icelandic and general confusion, I haven’t had any specific goals set. Getting in at HFF was not something that was only up to me to accomplish, so that wasn’t as much a proper goal as a wish. Once I got in it I felt awesome. And now, five years later, I’m sort of drifting along a bit too much.
I have great friends, live rather comfortably and am healthy. The stuff I worry about are the same stuff that most other people worry about; money, sex, happiness.
I could do well with more of all three, granted, but it seems like such a waste of time. I would like to worry about something that isn’t an abstract non-issue. (or in case of money, a manifestation of your abstracted self-worth) Of course I’d love to have glorious sex and spend a week drunk, but those things are not supposed to take up so much of ones time – they are the things we do when we are not doing other things. Like curing cancer, or becoming really good at baking.
And while I’m looking for work, any work, I’m occasionally drifting off into willy-wonka land, imagining what I would like to do. Drifting away isn’t very hard when all the vacancies I find have such a perky and up-beat note to them that I stare in disbelief: No one can honestly be this fucking optimistic about offering an evening-job at a call-center. I once interviewed for a two week job carrying crates at a supermarket (see prole) and the interview took one hour where I had to pointificate on how my arts degree would benefit the working place. I almost cried.
Maybe what I should learn is to relax and chill, man.
I am now inoculated against hepatitis a&b, so I should be ok with whatever it is that gives one hepetatis in Tunisia. We are leaving in three weeks time, and I’m looking forward to it. In the meantime I’ll be drinking cheep stuff, smoking as much as I can afford, and start up enough projects that unless I finish some of them I’ll have to move out of shame, in disgrace.
