I found a note that I’d written after a long discussion a group of us had a week or so ago. I leave it here for posterity to analyse and sit in judgement over:
So, whereas A and B are into it [spanking] because they’re fascinated by the play on power (who dominates whom and so on), me and C are more interested in the manifestations of power itself; Who actually beats whom, who really decides over whom, etc.
Where Bs game is about being the one in control or being the one subjected to domination, I am more interested in the nature of control and power itself — how does it feel to be beaten or to beat someone else, and ultimately (although it’s an extreme example) to see if there is a qualitative differance between killing someone and not having done it (not restrain oneself, mind you), and if that differance is noticeable enough to qualify a judgement call and not do it. In other words, where is the limit of what you can stand to do, and stand having done to you; not socially (i.e. how far am I willing to part with my civil — or representable — self) but rather existentially.
What person will I be if I quit now, and how much further can I take this before I don’t recognize myself?
