Sometimes it takes you quite some time to come to a realisation that is glaringly obvious to everyone around you. You might be a mean drunk, overconfident or inconsiderate, and it might take a while to notice and even longer to so something about it. In my case, I haven’t been aware of how I’ve slowly been losing my shit the past year or so, and just the other day realised that the small outburst of murdering rage I’ve experienced might be related to other stuff.
So the next time I go off ranting about getting into a fight or smashing a bottle on someones stupid head, you might want to tell me to relax and take a few deep breaths. I hear it helps.
On a lighter note, here are some t-shirts I found in my old closet at my moms place. They’re from my high-school years and shine a bright light on the vomitingly cuddly guy I was trying to be.
As well as a drawing of me for the school paper, a photo of me with hair curtesy of henna and a guy who gets shot in the gut.
I can’t say that I would have done anything differently back then, but I wouldn’t stand to meet that snotty wanna-be intellectual today. Hopefully I won’t stand the Mateusz of today in ten years time. There’s always the outside possibility that one might become slightly better.