A bingo hostess has a parrot up her snatch which draws numbered balls out. She’s taught it to cheat and she’s whispering which numbers should come out. Fuck you Internet!

A bingo hostess has a parrot up her snatch which draws numbered balls out. She’s taught it to cheat and she’s whispering which numbers should come out. Fuck you Internet!

I know books are supposed to be old media, but there’s something that feels futuristic about holding this one. It’s imperfect, disposable, personal. I can scribble on it and dog-ear it, and read it lying down. It cost around $10 and arrived in less than a week.
→ Emmet Connolly printed the web: Instapaper
In the process of pasteurizing, juice is heated and stripped of oxygen, a process called deaeration, so it doesn’t oxidize. Then it’s put in huge storage tanks where it can be kept for upwards of a year. It gets stripped of flavor-providing chemicals, which are volatile. When it’s ready for packaging, companies such as Tropicana hire flavor companies such as Firmenich to engineer flavor packs to make it taste fresh.
→ You can stop shelling out for that “not from concentrate” juice now. Q&A with Alissa Hamilton.

→ Good use of multiple exposures and merging of images: Peter Funch
→ Designers, photographers and a whole other bunch of neat people: Design Industry News & Discussion.
→ In Swedish: Stipendier från Publicistklubben
→ Also in Swedish: Stipendier från Svenska Fotografers Förbund.
→ Illustrator Daniel Dociu: Futuristic cityscapes.
→ BLDGBLOG interviews Daniel Dociu: Game/Space.
→ Warning Signs of Covert Eavesdropping or Bugging.

Many things in the world have not been named; and many things, even if they have been named, have never been described. One of these is the sensibility — unmistakably modern, a variant of sophistication but hardly identical with it — that goes by the cult name of “Camp.”
→ Susan Sontag, Notes on Camp.
A couple of hours passed. “Then, after I got a sandwich and came out of the store—da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da! ” Gravy told me later, mimicking the sound of gunfire. “The only thing I remember is falling, and knowing that I’m shot—just don’t know where. It’s not like, when you get shot, ‘Oh, I got shot here.’ Nah. You know you hit, so your mind frame is—you pumped, your adrenaline is going. I reach my hand over, and I see I’m bleeding.
→ The New Yorker: Ben McGrath, Where hip-hop lives.
For those who know, this is the open secret: War is exciting. Sometimes I was in awe of this, and sometimes I felt low and mean for loving it, but I loved it still. Even in its quiet moments, war is brighter, louder, brasher, more fun, more tragic, more wasteful. More. More of everything. And even then I knew I would someday miss it, this life so strange. Today the war has distilled to moments and feelings, and somewhere in these memories is the reason for the wistfulness.
→ Esquire: Brian Mockenhaupt, I miss Iraq. I miss my gun. I miss my war.
That was in the Year of Our Lord nineteen hundred and ninety-three. And then, the Years of Our Lord passed. I went to bed every night looking at that shot, I woke up every morning looking at that shot, every single day. For over 10 years.
→ Terry Rosso: Lens Magic.

Ever since I found Warren Ellis‘ Transmetropolitan in the Reykjavik library, I’ve kept an eye on him. I know I’ve linked his blogs often enough, and he’s long ago reached critical mass when it comes to finding odd things online – I don’t think he has to do any lifting these days, but rather have all the disciples of Whitechapel scouring the web for wrong.
My copies of Transmet were bartered for food a couple of years ago, but I still hit his blog a couple of times a week and follow him on Twitter. The persona he’s built around himself is charming — an alcoholic misanthrope with a heart of gold and a twinkle in his glass eye — and he’s a very prolific writer and blogger and whatnots.


I’ve had it in my mind to buy his novel Crooked little vein since I heard of it. Plodding around Stockholm I found it as a small paperback, and bought it along two other exculpations for illegal downloading. Took less than a day to get through the 260 pages, including the recipe for roasted garlic at the end.
I know exactly who I will give this book to now that I’m done reading it; Someone who hasn’t trolled Ellis webpages for the past couple of years. Because it reads like a very long and rambling blog post, or a bunch of 3AM tweets; The story and the characters are cardboard cutouts on which to hang bizarre phenomena and amusing word combinations. It reads like a Spider Jerusalem rant, and those were fine because they didn’t stretch longer than a spread and ended on a full page panel of someone shitting themselves, which is always good for closure.
Some of the scenes are well written, but they are few. The saline injection bit is one of only two moments where the narrator actually feels present in the moment. The rest is scenery and posturing. There’s never a feeling that anything really matters. I don’t mean this in the bleak oh, nothing matters everything is gray let’s cut ourselves way, but rather that nothing that happens in the novel has any real consequences. There’s one sympathetic character who actually seems to have an internal struggle going on, but Bob Ajax doesn’t show up for more than a couple of pages and is then dispatched by alcohol and cops.


There’s one central idea that I take away with me after reading, and that is how the concept of “mainstream” has changed. It’s how I understand the long tail discussion, but from a cultural point of view rather than an economic: If you bundle together all the disparate “minority views” on any issue, being in a minority then becomes commonplace. It’s the otherness that we have in common, not the quality that make us other. This is a concept that is worth repeating. It’s something that those of us steeped in the postmodern vat might take for granted but that a large number of humanity would shit upon.
The argument for a shifting mainstream is presented nicely enough, although it’s barely made before the novel ends on a romantic note with an action/noir finale. Most of this book reads like a parallel universe story – as if the main character is hallucinating all the time. Actually, imagining that the story is an illusion, that the Mick McGill is merely a fictional character in a deranged storytellers mind, makes it more readable. It would explain the non sequiturs and manic view of the world. Read it as a alt.usenet version of the movie Identity, and you’ll have more fun.
So. This book will be presented to someone who doesn’t know what Bukkakke is. In this day and age it might seem hard to find such people, but I know a few and they will receive a gift.
Congratulations to Tobias who finished the cross country competition Vasaloppet in under nine hours. That’s 90 kilometers (56 miles) on skis. And it was done on a dare, so congratulations on being manly about it.
I’m updating the old blog posts to fit in with the 640 pixel style I’m sporting now, and find myself being embarrassed about some of the stuff I wrote. Even more full of myself than I am now, pretentious and whiny. Can’t believe people wanted to hang out with me – I would have been annoyed with me. And I never capitalise any letters! What’s up with that? Some of the old links are dead, but I’m not going to update those for fear of disturbing the fossil record.


It occured to me that I should improve upon myself more actively. Or if not improve per se, then at least try something else on for a while. Not drinking for a month? Draw for half an hour each day? Publish an hour-by-hour record of my day every evening, so as to find out where all those hours disappear?
Like: 13:00-14:00 – Checked email five times, read about mosquitos then malaria then Egypt then pyramids then about DIY stone masonry. If I linked to anything interesting I find, would you like it or does it sound shit? For me it would be sort of a self-exploration type of thing; I don’t use the time of day properly and would like to get more out of it. I go for runs and prepare the school work that me and Ana are doing at Chalmers, but that’s about it. I’m not really being an active agent of my own destiny and could use the extra push of being accountable.
Fuck it, I’m going to try the non-drinking thing. As of Saturday 28th February I’m not drinking booze for a month. I managed to go to a bar and drink nothing but the non-alcoholic beer for an evening. It’s odd how you look at others when when you’re sober and they are not. It goes a long way to explain why straight edge people and Christians can be such obnoxious twats – seeing people getting sloshed and blurry can get tiresome, I imagine.


I asked a friend “Conan, what is best in life” and got a rather good summery from her: The best of life might be a time when you have the feeling your brain is being challenged and fed everyday, without having loads of stress and fear or inferiority complexes.
Kayaking! There is absolutely no reason for me to think kayaking is a good thing, but why the fuck not? It’s not as though I have a bunch of other hobbies that compete for my attention (Note to self: It’s always sunny in Philadelphia isn’t a hobby) and there’s always the off chance that I’ll enjoy myself – God forbid – and have fun.

I know I wrote that interesting stuff is happening around me and I’m looking forwards to spring. Yes, well, that was like a week ago and the happy happy has left the way of Spongebob (and the season 4 of It’s always sunny in Philadelphia) leaving me once again pondering the meaning of life and the “get a job for summer” issue.
Lars, the happy architect I worked with at the museum last spring, is full of sage advice on any topic, and pointed me in the right direction when I asked about kayaking. I have this idea, see, where I would travel through Sweden on a kayak, using only smaller rivers and lakes. There are people paddling up the coast, but in my minds eye I see myself slowly gliding next to the riverbank with a straw in my mouth with a whistle on my lips. Whenever I felt like it I would just lean to one side and sleep on the soft and green grass; Birds chirping and strawberries within reach.
Maybe a slight exaggeration, but I’d rather call it “hope” than “lunacy.” Forrest Gump never listened to the nay-sayers, now did he? Just picture me smiling like an idiot, paddling up a river. Tell you what, I might even consider fishing if the expedition would be long. (Or does tofu keep for three weeks in a kayak?)
A while back I got a respons to the “To Whomever” thing. Instead of writing a letter to the person in the picture, Tobias wrote a short biography. Much appreciated. If you would like to participate, please check out the original post and send a letter to the person you imagine is in the photo. Include a postal address and I’ll send a copy signed in character – A perfect decoration for any fridge. The image below is on its way to Tobias.

Vold Streckzy is in a direct descending way related to Nedeljko Cabrinovic, the biggest klutz in history. Vold himself does not know this. But to a person having this knowledge when looking upon Vold it makes perfect sense.
Vold always has a look of fear in his eyes. He’ve had this ever since he was a small boy living in the outskirts of Sarajevo where he one day due to a series of highly unlikely events fell of his tricycle. After tumbling down a rocky slope with thorny bushes for a good 5 minutes he ended up in a sheep den. As he had a considerable amount of vertical velocity he got stuck waist-high in sheep droppings. Given the sheep being startled and that Vold had the shame of his ancestor hanging upon him, the sheep attacked. Then after dodging hooves for what seemed like the better part of his childhood his mother came and dragged him out.
After the incident they moved to Turkey but the ill-omen resting upon Vold never seized tormenting him. He has been on the move ever since. Hence the constant fear in his eyes.
Much of my online activity as of late has migrated towards Twitter and Blip. In case you don’t know them they are micro-blogging services. The micro implies both the length of the messages you can publish, and also the length of my attention span – which seems to have shrunk to measures traditionally used for 100m dash.
Like right now, while writing this, I blipped two songs and emailed Petter about it and updated my Twitter feed (even though it auto-updates every five minutes).
At the same time as the immediacy of connection is being realised, there’s an almost constant feeling of “wait, where were I?” Some of us have become so fully immersed in our computers and their proffered connections that we’ve become very active nodes. We’re spending so much time computing and parsing data that to an online observer we might as well be highly specialised and slightly retarded computers. Or maybe it’s just me; Having so much info passing through eyes and ears and out my fingertips, and retaining nothing but the constant buzzing noise, the trunk noise of a phone held to the ear.
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The upside of all this – Olle tells me that optimistic posts are better than “the self-loathing and whiny stuff” I occasionally write – is that I’m getting stuff done. Granted, it’s not like I’m actually using all my waking hours being creative or something, but there is a feeling of “getting shit done” in the air which is uplifting.
There’s that thing with my brother and that thing with Petter, and some stuff Ana and I have been talking about as well as the whole Skup Palet that Anna, Jan + a bunch of us are learing at. With that, I know it’s easy to talk about stuff that you might do or are interested in doing or perhaps would consider doing if the conditions are favourable and you are sober enough, but there’s something in the air. Like, pollution, only good pollution.
Thanks to global warming the winter has been mild here and we’ve been spared the sleet and piss that a Gothenburg winter is commonly associated with. Knock on wood. It all adds up.

I can’t believe I’m actually looking forwards to spring. Let’s recap the past year: I quit smoking after 7 years, started running, got a drivers license and had an interesting job both in spring and fall. And I got a moustache.
And now I’m looking forwards to spring, lying on my bed looking up at the clouds passing by. It’s just like that science guy from Independence Day when he played another science guy in The Fly and he slowly turns into a fly and peels his eyes off. Only I’ve peeled my eyes off and discover I’m now a twinkly hippie person. Before you know it I’ll be tie-dying shit and doing astral journeys in public.

I broke a needle, and lesson learned Re: Using gaffers tape for support, but I managed to stitch a pair of pants together. By “together” i mean I’m no longer exposing any nasty bits, although obviously my craftsmanship isn’t perfected yet. Some people didn’t notice the careful work and dedication I put into it. Well, some people can go suck an egg, that’s what I say. And I used a coloured thread on purpose. It was an artistic decision.

Because being psychosomatic is an interesting hobby, I spent the other day doing a mix-n-match between my blood-test results and possible deficiencies/symptoms. I do this vegan blood test once a year or so to see what stuff I might be lacking (I don’t feel like becoming a B12-goth) and this time it turns out that I have way too high iron levels. Four hours later, I’m quite certain i might have become a B12-goth.
I have a meeting with lady in white come Monday, and she’ll prolly tell me to stop being a whiny turd, hopefully using more comforting language. But it’s always tempting to assign blame – and if I could pass off my tiredness and passivity as of late to something as banal as vitamin deficiency, I could just as easily be placeboed into “fitness” or something resembling it. Below, Anna and Jonas, two of the most fit people I know.


The only pants that actually fit me – and by that I mean the pants that don’t make me look like a pornographic sausage roll – have suffered terrible deterioration. Apparently I’ve developed crotch-rot, because I now have four pairs that are beyond silly to wear and make the hairy leg-flesh look like a ill-cleaned pork kassler; I don’t know how many people I have mentally scarred. Will sit down with sewing machine tomorrow and try to remedy the sad state of affairs, if pants can be said to have states of affairs.


In other news: 1) I went to the gym with Petter last Friday and still can’t bend my legs properly. 2) I get less shit done than I’d like – am tired. Maybe eating poorly. 3) Started running again and my pulse is up at 180 when I run as slow as possible which means that the whole “ærobic excercise” stuff is out the window 4) Jonas, Tobbe and Mark have all visited without me mentioning it here. I don’t know why I’m not updating more often. Blame Twitter. 5) Students of mine might be reading this blog, so expect fewer cock-jokes.


Tomorrow, I’m going to take advantage of an offer to exercise for free at a a local gym. I’m gonna try to keep my bpm below the aerobic threshold of 142 in order to become less of a disgrace than I am now – I can hardly walk up stairs without getting winded and I sleep like a cyborg on meth because I’m not expanding energy on anything except typing, frying tofu and masturbation reading poetry. If downloading shit on the Interwubs would require physical labour I would be Adonis incarnate though. (I just got 3GB of “shoegazing” whatever that is)
About this whole “Chill the Fuck Out” new years promise thing. It’s nothing more than an awkward way of trying to rein in all the pointless stress. To simplify life, if you like. Have a bit more fun, have a bit less of a meaningless time. Try not to lie to others nor myself. It’s a Doctor Phil feel-good bonanza.
In other news: My brother burned his hands. I think he got the CFO method down pat.
