Cough cough bang bang

These are strange times and I have an odd taste in my mouth. The past couple of days I’ve been feeling tired and sluggish, and I don’t know if it’s allergies, stress, Corona, whatever – I just know that everything has a taste of tart cardboard and I don’t feel like doing anything.

The past months have been strange the world over – everyone is hunkering down in response to the pandemic – and Sweden has been an outlier in that we’re not quaranteeing or sheltering-in-place but are rather encouraged not to cough on each other and keep our distance. Fair enough, but we’ve ended up with Schrödingers flu and until proper vaccins and tests are made available most stuff is in limbo.

Working from home since February means that I’m sitting in the same chair at home most days of the week – I’m climbing the walls a bit so am trying to excercise more often just to get out of the house. But the powerlifting has stalled, and I’m resetting everything into a arms/legs split with a powerlift focus – I’m further from reaching my deadlift goal this year than I was last summer, and it’s a bit annoying.

In a bout of self improvement and/or masochism I gave up snus three weeks ago. The first two weeks were horrible and nicotine withdrawal had me jittering like a methed-up Nick Cage. Being physically addicted is demeaning, and I spent the days having a constant feeling of something missing – jaw working, eyes scanning, hands fidgeting – and if I could have satisfied the crawing without giving in to the craving (if that makes sense) I would have done anything.

So I’m thinking that my lack of taste – or change of taste – might be my tastebuds readjusting to a life without a constant stream of snus saliva.

MateuszCough cough bang bang

Mind palace, without the map

A year or so ago I had a few sessions with a cognitive therapy person which didn’t amount to much – cbt seems mostly about breaking patterns and helping people out that can’t manage their day-to-day life, and whatever my problems are, it wasn’t a good fit. I’m still on SSRI:s but am hoping to drop those as soon as I get some breathing room, but I’ve also started meeting with a honest-to-goodness lie-on-a-couch therapist.

It’s an exciting process and offers a challange to my recursive introspection. His axiom is that most problems stem from conflicts, and identifying those conflicts – be they internal or external – can allow me to get a better understanding of myself as well as be used as a tool to avoid the traps of overthinking and negative spiraling. In a sense, everything is borne of a choice at some point, even if it doesn’t feell like it in a moment of anxiety.

I don’t have any principled objection to medicating my problems away – the psylocybin/ketamin experiments with depressed persons seem promising – but if I can learn to manage my mind better using only my own body, I’ll be more resilient regarless of what other tools I’ll have at my disposal.

MateuszMind palace, without the map

Reading in the year 2019

I start this post on January 2nd – both I and Sara are under the weather so spend the time watching movies or reading. So why not start the new year with another post outlining what I’ve read? Third time in a row, here’s the stuff I’ve read this or given up on.

Halfway through the year I decided to plow through my ebooks in alphabetic order – regardless of my mood I’ll start in on a biography, poetry collection or treaties on thin film manufacturing. As a result, I’ve quit more books than I usually do. This is a good thing since I have more books than I’d be able to read in a lifetime, accumulating more each week.

Printed matter

Johanna Gillbro: Hudbibeln. Saw a blurb about this in the magazine Filter and it seemed up my alley – an academic dermatologists explanation of skin and skin-care. Easy to read and good disposition, but requires a second skimming with a notebook if I’m to make use of the lists of good & bad ingredients in skin care. It does a good job of demystifying creams, serums, exfoliants and whatnots.

Carl Otto Mattson & Johann Lang: Bin till nytta och nöje. A beginners guide to keeping bees. With all that I’ve heard about colony collapse, and the general state of environmental damage and insect die-off, keeping bees might be something actually useful to learn – especially if I and Sara move out into the country someday. Haven’t decided on how this relates to my animal rights & vegan convictions, but now I can have a more informed think about it.

Max Gladstone & Amal El-Mohtar: This is how you lose a time war. A mostly epistolary story of two agents from warring factions which battle for supremacy over a vaguely outlined multi-dimensional/temporal world. Intimately written and a beautiful love story.

M.R. Carey: The boy on the bridge. A prequel to The girl with all the gifts – which I haven’t read although I’ve enjoyed the movie twice. The book is a bit meh, with none of the pathos which the movie had.

Annalee Newitz: The future of another timeline. There’s a battle raging through time over women rights (or lack therof) – research activists travel through time using one of five ancient time machines no-one fully understands. Nice mix of stoneage-scifi and headaches induced by time edits. Slightly different take on continuity than Permafrost, but a nice comparison.

Sofia Åkerman: Zebraflickan. Swedish autobiography of a young girl who spends many years in and out of mental institutions, battling eating disorders and self-harming. Starts out with an attempted suicide and keeps going. In my library copy someone had underlined some passages – perhaps trying to find clues to how to deal with someone similar? Insightful writing on the insidiousness of mental illness.


Sylvain Neuvel: Sleeping Giants. Parts of a giant robot are found spread over the globe and we follow a Man-in-black as he schemes to assemble it and learn more of its origin. Reads like a teenage outline for mecha fanfic – i.e. I’m not going to bother with the sequels.

John Carreyrou: Bad blood. A rollercoaster of sociopaths and the folly of venture capital. I read this before I saw the movie [the Inventor] and it’s a fascinating read on the rise and fall of Theranos and the people behind it. A bit on the nose sometimes, but an easy and fascinating read.

Bill Owens [ed.]: The art of distilling. I’ve tried my hand on brewing beer and cider with less than stellar results, but didn’t know much about distillation before reading this book. It covers different kinds of stills and resulting liquids, and I’m curious to try it out for doing tinctures and such.

Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley: Frankenstein. One of the earliest, if not the earliest, works of sci-fi and surprisingly readable still. The language is stilted as all heck, but not enough to put one off reading. Later reimaginings of Frankensteins monster as a dumb brute does a disservice to the original though – I much prefer the brooding creature presented here.

David Wallace-Wells: The uninhabitable earth. Holy moly Jesus on a stick – this is one depressing and dreadful read. List after list of the ways in which humanity has fucked up the climate, accompanied by list upon list of how this will impact the same humanity – however unevenly. The premise of the book is unapologetically anthropocentric, but combined with our knowledge of ecosystems it draws a map of what we’ve completely fucked up and what we might still save. A must read and what I’ll buy everyone for Christmas this year.

Hilary Mantel: Wolf Hall. My friend Andreas recommended this if I wanted to read court intrigue, and boy am I glad he did. It was so very long ago that I read something so well crafted, with such a commanding language and compelling characters. I actually gasped a few times when encountering passages that were cleverly written – that hasn’t happen for quite some time.

Hilary Mantel: Bring up the bodies. Started in on this straight after Wolf Hall, and it’s more of the same – in a good way. Immediately after finishing it I put in a preorder for the last part of the trilogy – I’ll have it sometime in spring and am looking forwards to it immensely.

Mikhail Bulgakov: A country doctor’s notebook. A collection of short stories all concerning doctors in the Russian/Soviet countryside. Reminded me of David Sedaris – similar neuroticism, imposter syndrome and general feebleness of character. At first I thought the stories were autobiographical, but once the main characters had different names I caught on.

Annalee Newitz: The future of another timeline. Feminist struggle through time travel – two fractions competing for dominance through time edits which will ripple through history and change womens rights for good or ill. Basically mens rights movement vs. riot grrrls. Not as insightful as Autonomous, but still worth a read. How do we remember futures which never happened, and how can we create the future we want?


Jon Ronson: Them. Following (mostly) religious extremists around with a nervous eye – entertaining book but I’m not certain what the takeaway is. Ronson is great fun though, and his frantic escape from suspected Bilderberg spies is a lol moment.

Philip Pullman: La Belle Sauvage. It’s great being back in the universe of the Golden Compass, and the story of how clever Malcolm Polstead navigates an increasingly theocratic adult world is tense and written with a gentle hand. Looking forward to the next installment.

Lev Grossman: The Magician King. [reread] Darker than the first book and still entertaining – everyday magicians doing their stuff in fairy land.

Lev Grossman: The Magicians land. A great finish of the trilogy, and the irreverent tone when dealing with gods, magic and the fabric of reality makes for a fun read.

Annalee Newitz: Autonomous. A future where patent law is violently enforced, sees protagonist-cum-biohacker Jack, trying to undo the damage her pirated copies of a productivity drug have caused. Well written and with some inspiring thoughts on what personhood means for artificial intelligences.

Martha Wells: All systems red. Yet another written-for-being-optioned scifi. Some cute scenes, all told from the point of view of Murderbot, but I’m hard pressed to remember what it was about.

C. Robert Cargill: Sea of Rust. Scavenging sentient robots experience their own post-apocalypse – having previously brought about the human apocalypse. Some interesting scenes, but this would have been a better comic than it’s a book.

Timothy A. Pychyl: Solving the procrastination puzzle. I don’t know how many of these books I have to read or listen to before I actually commit, but the advice usually comes down to: Commit to doing something, split it into small actionable items and then do it.

Adrian Tchaikovsky: Children of time. Humanity is extinct except for a few remnants who’ve set out into deep space in search for a new home in a generational ship, and their only option seems to be a planet on which a biological experiment has given rise to intelligent spiders. Interesting take on exobiology and how cultures might evolve differently in another species.

Alastair Reynolds: Permafrost. A messed up future takes over peoples bodies back in time in order to mitigate the coming disaster. An ensemble story which reads in parts as a techno thriller, in parts as drama. Some interesting ideas about time travel and paradox, but other than that rather forgettable.

Iain M. Banks: Consider Phlebas. Revisiting the Culture again – always a treat. The world building is compelling and envelopes me like a snug blanket.

Iain M. Banks: Player of games. A story of a gameplayer blackmailed into carrying out a mission on behalf of Contact – told by an unreliable narrator. Not the strongest novel in the series and hasn’t dated as well as I remembered, but still good.

Abandoned stuff

Mark Manson: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. There might be some wisdom in the book, but it reads like bro-mindfulness and I can’t overlook the humblebrag, sexism and poor writing enough to finish it.

Johanna Frid: Nora eller Brinn Oslo Brinn. This is good and I’m going to read it later on, but I only had it on short loan from the library and wasn’t keen enough to finish it within a week, even though it’s doable. Well written story of the insanity of jealousy.

Daryl Gregory: Spoonbenders. Well written, but I just can’t get into it. Gave up after an hour of so.

James Patterson: 17th suspect. Trite – gave up after 15 pages.

Ken Follett: A column of fire. Having read Wolf Hall, this story set in the same time pales in comparison and I didn’t want to taint my appreciation of the Mantel book

MateuszReading in the year 2019

Hello darkness, etc

Today was the first time in a good while that I stayed behind at work to do something myself – I spent two hours on the lathe and turned something which resembles a short, splintery dildo.

I’ve been watching a bunch of wood- & metalwork videos lately, and needed to try my hands at it. It’s too easy just to live vicariously, and at some point it’s just not healthy. So, equipped with some Youtube “skills” I set to sharpening a few tools and turning wood, which let me tell you is much more physically difficult than the videos make apparent.

Other than that I’ve had a slow half-year since last I posted. Just before summer I deadlifted 150kg which was a personal best, but then I compensated by not doing anything other than drinking beer for two months during summer. Going back to work also got me back to the gym, and I’m slowly building up my strength and good habits again.

Speaking of which, I had my longest non-drinking period since my teenage years and kept away from the devils brew for 8 weeks or so. I noticed a slight improvement in mood and cognitive ability, so I can see the appeal. Although I can’t really see the appeal while living in Gothenburg, which for six months has nothing to recommend it besides alcohol and a karaoke bar.

There’s some illness in the family and that keeps me worried – not the proper time to quit the SSRI in other words – but I’m hoping that between myself and Sara we’ll get through it. There’s Christmas at moms to look forward to, as well as my brothers marriage in January, so we’re not totally lacking for distractions. Things to look forward to in the short term are important, I’ve learned.

As for the photozine I’m nowhere near completion. I’m very aware of the New Years deadline approaching, but It’ll be done when it’s done. Right now I just need to focus on turning some more wooden dicks and improve my deadlift.

MateuszHello darkness, etc

Dreamtime – Kicking Sara

I’m in a dream, and in the dream I’m running towards the horizon in a dried out landscape – like one of those Australian cracked up dirt vistas – and I don’t know why I’m running. Suddenly, appearing from under some bushes, there’s a knee-high critter which looks like a toad/tortoise combination, and it tells me “I can kill anyone you’d like and make it look like an accident.”

It starts running after me, and I’m frightened because if I don’t have anyone to kill, how do I know it won’t kill me to keep its secret? No matter how fast I run, the creature keeps up and is gaining. Finally, it’s at my heels and I turn around and try to kick it as hard as I can so that I can stun it and hopefully get away.

This is where I wake up because I’ve just kicked Sara in the shin really hard. I mumble an apology and try to fall back asleep, but when I close my eyes I still see the desert and it frightens me and startles me awake. Goddamn hitman toads man.

MateuszDreamtime – Kicking Sara

Gluten and writing

This is the one hour of the day when you can buy alcohol on the ship, and for the less sociable, it’s a Sophie’s choice. Do you come out and spend an extra hour with the people who are driving you to drink in the first place? Or do you abstain so you can hide in your bunk until the last minute?

→ Idle Words: Gluten Free Antarctica

On the day of the attack, he wrote, someone had purchased 60,000 BVB put options — a wager that the shares would fall below a certain price by a certain date. “A purchase like this is only rationally explainable,” he wrote, “if the buyer was expecting the stock value to go down very rapidly.” This kind of drop, he pointed out, wouldn’t happen if Dortmund lost a game. It would require something more serious, like losing players, or the entire team, in a terror attack.

→ Bloomberg: The Get-Rich-Quick Scheme That Almost Killed a German Soccer Team

“Gravity was never proven,” Patrice said. “It’s just a faulty concept to try and brainwash you into believing that tons of water can stick to a spinning ball. When you think of what they taught us in school, that the Earth is spinning so, so, so fast and you can’t feel it? And then all this water’s sticking to it?

→ Meet the people who believe the earth is flat

“She quickly disrobed, laid on her back, put a bunch of powder in her vagina and hit play on the tape recorder. Well, when the guns went off in the song, she emitted little puffs of smoke from down below. It made me proud to be an American.”

The Daily Beast: ‘Deep Sleep’: How an Amateur Porno Set Off A Massive Federal Witch Hunt

MateuszGluten and writing

My time is your time

At work we’re going through an organisational review thanks to a work grant from TRS, and we’re having workshops at least once a month – not counting the planning Skype meets and such. It’s easy for me to forget that I am paid to be there, but most everyone else who attends is a volunteer member who is doing this out of the goodness of their hearts or similar organ.

My own engagement with volunteer organisations has been flagging lately. Laborator – the biohack lab I was starting up – has died of consumption, listlessly fading away underneath the varnish of neglect. Other than that I haven’t put in any time into stuff that hasn’t been work – be it paid or my own.

So it’s inspiring to take a step back every once in a while to realize that much of what is good in the world is still happening because people see a need and step up to get it done.

MateuszMy time is your time

All these pictures need a viewer

I’m working on publishing two issues of a photo magazine this year. Not sure if “artist book” or “fanzine” is the better term, so let’s just stick with “zine” for now. For starters, I’m just using my own images, and it’s straight up photography – I’ve amassed enough pics that I ought to be able to put together at least a few interesting issues.

Part of the drive here is the distrubution model. I’ll keep the production costs down as much as possible and will at least initially print it using newsprint paper, which will allow me to be more frivolous with the copies since I don’t have to keep track of costs as much.

I had a dinner for a few friends who are in the art book scene a couple of months ago, and the recurring theme was the difficulty of finding a new audience. So an idea I have it to try to create an audience from scratch. I’ll do a limited run of each issue (let’s say 100 copies) and they’ll be numbered and signed like any work of graphic art, but I’ll post them to random and semi-random recipients, encouraging them to send some money if they’d like to receive the next issue. If they don’t send anything, no foul – I’m sending the mag unsolicited after all – but if they do choose to send money I’ll have at least a subscriber for one issue.

I’ve set up an instagram @monocultured (which to my amazement wasn’t taken yet) and as one does these days I’ll post the progress there. Let’s see how it fares if I don’t market it at all.

It’s odd going through the tens of thousands of images that I’ve accumulated to try to suss out something meaningful. It pretty much amounts to a completely new work – what I thought when I took the picture, what I’ve used the image for previously, none of that matters. It’s now a selection I’m doing in 2019 and trying to coax some meaning from.

I’m going to work on this using diptychs for now – pairing images up and play on their interaction. An analogy close at hand is that of binaural audio, where the resulting sound is created in the mind of the listener, rather than the creator. When you leave two images next to each other they relate to each other, and understanding them isn’t predicated on you knowing their origin, but rather on your interpretation of how they reflect each other. Perhaps a better analogy would be the Kuleshov effect – but the interaction of images in those examples still hinge on interpreting the scene as a whole, not as two seperate, equal, images.

One practical problem I had when starting out selecting images was that I had no easy way to quickly match up different images and make a selection of good combinations. Lightroom, Bridge, all DAM:s and specialized apps I tried fell short. I posted this on and user tomp from London threw together an app which did exactly what I wanted! It’s still rough, but it’s unmeasurably better than any other solution I’ve tried, so if you’re in the same predicament I’d recommend you to try it out.

MateuszAll these pictures need a viewer

The words I’ve read this year

Second time in a row, here are the books I’ve read this year in more or less chronological order per category. This time around I’m trying to give a short description as well! One drawback of listening to audiobooks – for purposed of reviewing anyway – is that there’s no easy way to capture quotes. I find myself walking to work, hearing something witty and thinking “oh, that was pithy, I ought to quote it somewhere” but then I’m always left scrounging Goodreads for whatever it was I found so memorable.


Rafael Alvarez, David Simon: The Wire – Truth Be Told. I and Sara rewatched all five seasons of The Wire (She hadn’t seen the last two) and it’s still a brilliant series. The book didn’t add that much and some of the essays where a bit long-winded or read like someone just wanted to get it off their chest, but the background to some actors and the making-of was interesting. I could have done without the episode recaps since they often didn’t focus on the pieces I was interested in and, well, I’d just seen the episode…

Isabel Fonseca: Begrav mig stående [Bury me standing]. I bought the book when first Sweden saw an influx of Roma beggars a couple of years ago. It’s a well written and heavily annotated story of Isabels journeys through Europe, piecing together the history of a largely ahistorical people. Full of personal observations from meetings with Gypsy families and community activists, it reads in parts as a parody of the prejudices one hears, but is at the same time a scathing story of oppression past and current.

Victor Papanek: Design for Human Scale. At less than 200 pages it’s a slim volume, but it’s a joy to read. Besides being chock full of quotable phrases – …the global village is in danger of becoming a global slum. – the takeaway is that “design” is an inherent human pattern-finding trait which shouldn’t be detached from a world of limited resources and social context. Or as he puts it: Design is to technology what ecology is to biology. I’m already looking forwards to reading this again in a few years time.

Syd Field: The definitive guide to screenwriting. Character is action, action is conflict, conflict is story – something along those lines. The book is worth reading for the insight into Hollywood movie production in particular and storytelling in general, and I’ll be sure to revisit Fields advice if I ever get to write a script again. It does leave me unfulfilled though – there’s a sense that he’s trying too hard to shoehorn his analysis of movies into his preconceived notions of form, and the book gives a disjointed sensation of repetition and contradiction.

Vibeke Holst: Som Pesten. Thriller set in the world of WHO and EU during a pandemic. Politics, skullduggery and organized crime – great read. A related read would be the The Coming Plague (Laurie Garrett) which is a bit dated by now but still a fantastic description of the cyclical nature of pandemics and how they’re managed by CDC and others.

Epub / PDF

Peter Watts: Beyond the Rift. Collection of short stories. A bit Ballardian at times, which is a good thing. One of them was read on Starship Sofa a while back if I recall – The Thing rewritten from the aliens perspective.

Patricia McKillip: Alphabet of Thorn. Low key high fantasy. Enjoyable and well written. Coming-of-age and floating magic schools.

Andrew Groen: Empires of Eve. I’ve installed Eve Online a couple of times but haven’t got past the tutorial – just reading about Eve once a year is enough for me. This book chronicles the first couple or years of Eve; the drama and politicking is fantastically rich for an MMORPG.

Daniel H. Wilson: Robocalypse. A re-read, but given that it only took three hours to breeze through it’s time well spent. Not the best writing or character building, but I have a soft spot for epistolary novels since they allow for trying out different scenarios and ideas.

Daniel H. Wilson: Robogenesis. Sequel to Robocalypse, and still entertaining but less so. It builds like a thriller/suspense story, but I never get the sense of urgency. Narrator writes as if it’s in past tense, and it’s set up for yet another sequel. Some of the robot ideas remind me of Ruckers Ware Teralogy, so it’s still worth the few hours it takes to read.

Alastair Reynolds: Slow bullets. Short sci-fi after-the-fall story with some Mcguffins. If it’d been longer I would have quit – reads like a short movie script.

Richard Morgan: Woken furies. Third in the altered carbon series, and mostly a confusing mess of technobabble. It’s a continuation of Gibson and Stephenson, post-cyber & transhumanistic, but maybe I have less patience with this kind of writing these days? Couldn’t keep the characters straight for all the jargon, and didn’t really care about any of them at the end.

Blake Snyder: Save the cat! While writing the script for my and Saras short Learning Experience I read this to get pointers on story development. Even though Snyder writes with the ambition of making it big in Hollywood – Memento is shit cause it did poorly at box office – there are suggestions for tension and storytelling which are worth knowing.

Hans Rosling: Factfulness. A reminder of how important it is to keep a clear head and always look at the larger picture instead of focussing on the misery-driven narrative. My focus tends to be on the negative, so his sentiment that “things are bad but getting better” is a useful hint for taking a step back. The largest omission from the book is the issue of anthropogenic climate change – not that his appeal for a factual world-view isn’t necessary for dealing with it – but occasionally the text read pollyannaish. This isn’t fair to the authors, but since it’s published in a climate of climate talk, it’s odd that the issue is almost omitted – as is the mass extinction of flora and fauna by human hand.


Terry Pratchett: Interesting times. Part of the Rincewind storyline – which seems written for laughs rather than plot or observation. Pratchett always had a levelheaded description of racism, but even with being conscious of that, the orientalism is a bit problematic.

Terry Pratchett: Maskerade. Witches storyline. Agnes Knit joins the opera and there’s a mishmash of phantoms and people dropping like flies from the flies, and “Miserable Les”.

Terry Pratchett: Feet of clay. City Watch storyline – a whodunnit with some class analysis and curmudgeoning. Quote: “Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw. It was its tendency to bend at the knees.”

Terry Pratchett: Hogfather. Death storyline. Religion, belief and the psychopaths that keep the word interesting by killing people.

Terry Pratchett: Jingo. City Watch storyline. Warmongering, racism and nationalism. A bit too punny, but still good in these times of chest-thumping patriots. Quote: “Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.”

Terry Pratchett: The last continent. Rincewind saga continues with a story which is two stories, set in not-Australia, overly reliant on wordplay and funny sentences. Not sure what the point is here.

Matt Taibbi: Insane Clown President. A collection of essays from the republican campaign trail of 2016 – previously published in Rolling Stone. Entertaining to listen to, and with hindsight – now halfway into the Trump presidency — it’s a sobering read. Some interesting analysis and self-criticism, and it’s noteworthy how the tone becomes darker and more despondent as the essays progress.

Yuval Harari: Sapiens. A book which not so much bites off too much as tries to swallow humanity whole. Reminds me of Guns, germs and steel by Jared Diamond in it’s scope and ambition. It mostly succeeds – I’d love to have an updated print of the sapiens family tree hanging on the wall – and is widely entertaining, although he by necessity skims over a few things and generalizes with too much liberty at times.

Yanis Varufakis: Adults in the room. The former finance minister of Greece humblebrags himself through six months in office. Fascinating reading nonetheless since it puts names and faces to the mechanisms of austerity and structural adjustment programs IMF and gang routinely force upon societies.

Colin Ward: Anarchism – A Very Short Introduction. A three hour listen which positions anarchist history, ambitions and struggles in the contemporary world. Good overview and a reminder of that another society is possible.

Michael Pollan: Change your mind. After hearing an interview with Pollan on Quirks and Quarks I gave his book a listen. It’s an overview of psychedelics and how they have been used and the resurgence of their study within psychiatry. The descriptions of depression and the hypothesis for how psychedelic experiences can alleviate it rang true with me, so if I wasn’t on an SSRI I’d give it a try.

Terry Pratchett: Carpe Jugulum. On vampires, choice and religious conviction. A well paced story in the witches series. Not sure why he included a phoenix except for bringing the character Hodgesaargh into the story.

Naomi Alderman: The Power Women gain the power to generate electricity and the gender power balance starts to shift. Told 5000 years into the future by a historian, it’s a “through the looking glass” story which has some good world building, although not the most believable characters. A mix of “No men beyond this point” and “Left behind”. Worth a read though!

Emily Croy Barker: The thinking woman’s guide to real magic. A through the magic wardrobe story of Nora who is transported to a parallel world of færie and magic. Barker builds a convincing world, but the stilted characters distract from the already too drawn out story. Mostly written from Noras perspective, and it’s an interesting effect when the author occasionally jumps into the head of one of the other characters – it’s jolting, and I can’t decide on whether I like it or not.

Eric Schlosser: Command and control. A chronological history of nuclear weapons, particularly in the United States, with recurring jumps to an account of the Titan II missile explosion in Damascus. Fascinating stuff, especially all the near misses I’ve never heard about, which might have caused WW3. The chapter on MAD and other cold war strategies is sobering. (followed up by watching The Day After)

Lev Grossman: Codex. Edward the banker gets an odd assignment sorting an aristocratic family’s book collection, ostensibly to find “The Codex.” that’s about as exiting as it gets, and no amount of twists improves on a story where the characters care for stuff without having any reasons to. Even for a book dated to 2004 the computer game described makes little sense, and reads mostly as an attempt to create mystery where there is none. A librarians “DaVincis code”.

Terry Pratchett: The Fifth Elephant. Watch series – about the choices we make and the mechanics of realpolitik. Well paced and some genuine complicated emotions.

Terry Pratchett: The Truth. Getting into “banged corn” territory – there are too many analogues technologies and ideas being thrown in for a laugh. The story of how movable type brings on the news-age to Ankh-Morpork isn’t terribly exciting and whatever points it’s trying to make about the value of Truth clashing with privilege get lost in the hubbub. Some nice characters and commander Sam Vimes is always on point, but the story is a portent of what’s to come in the series.

Terry Pratchett: Thief of Time. Death & Susan series. Even thought the Auditors aren’t the most interesting villains, the gallery of anthropomorphic personifications musing on life is fun enough.

Jon Ronson: The Psychopath Test Audiobook. Ronson gives a rambling account of his search for psychopaths. He weaves scientology, DSM IV and anecdotes together into an image of “sanity” as a permutable state and not a stable characteristic of anyone. He reads the book himself, and his neurotic reading and self-referencing is one of the joys of the audiobook.

Books I’ve given up on, as well as the page I gave up on it and the reasons.

Don Delillo: Underground. [Page 19] I can see that it’s high litterature – it’s well written and has a rich language. It’s just no my kind of language. It’s as if Tom Waits and Warren Ellis had a lovechild – very Americana and wordy. How much space can you afford a hotdog? Burma Shave.

Kim Stanley Robinson: Aurora. [Audiobook – 2 hours in] A coming-of-age story following the sixth generation in a generational ship heading towards Tau Ceti – an interesting setting but there’s only so much exposition I can handle without a having a story to hang it on. Again, a book looking to be a movie, or rather a Netflix series.

Constantin stanislavski: An actor prepares. [p19] I look forward to when I know enough about acting to appreciate this book. It’s well written but goes over my head.

Mike Goodridge: Directing. [p75] A series of interviews with directors – not frightfully interesting, although they should have plenty to tell.

Mark Manson: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. [Audiobook – 45 min in] It’s bro-mindfulness and might have something important and/or useful to say but it’s so poorly written — sexism, humblebrag, broisms — that I just gave up. Even listening at 1.5 times normal speed there wasn’t enough content to merit pushing through.

Magazines subscribed to (and occasionally read)

Fria Tidningen (bought up by ETC and now defunct In fall they reappeared under new ownership)
ETC Magasin
Guardian Weekly
DN Fredag-Söndag

MateuszThe words I’ve read this year

Watching movies #1

I have a backlog of movies I’ve “been meaning to watch” and I’m going to use my newfound filmmaking ambitions to consciously watch as many of them as possible. In that vein, let’s list a few:

In pursuit of silence, by Patrick Shen, is a documentary which tries to nail down the idea of silence and its place in our modern lives. The first half starts out building a mood – showing land and cityscapes, getting some quotes from people who’ve though about the topic – and the second half delves more into the science of it. John Cages 4’33 features prominently, but it’s the long pauses and silences which make the film.

All interviewees are presented with their own voiceover over footage when they’re not speaking, which gives a nice effect of inner thought. Sometimes what is said are platitudes, and the parts which deal with the science (health effects of noise pollution, for example) feel a bit tacked on – as if Shen didn’t want the film to become too abstract and added a rep from Virgin Airlines to speak about jet noise in order to ground the topic more – but all in all it’s a strong movie which caused me to still my breathing and speak quieter.

It brought home something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, which is how I totally suck at being by myself or unoccupied (to the point of causing me anxiety) and probably would benefit from taking up meditation or walks in the forrest.

Tura the teenager has gotten into horror movies – mostly fast paced zombie flicks – so we’re subjecting ourselves to the highs and lows of the genre. We put The Mist on (by Frank Darabont) but bailed after fifteen minutes – what a hot mess. Characters who change mood on a dime, poor dialogue, campy acting. I’d mistaken the movie for the 2017 series which apparently is better – and even though it’s supposed to end with a dramatic twist, no twist is worth sitting through this thing. Perhaps it was well received because it served the American audience an allegory for 9/11?

We switched to Monsters (by Gareth Edwards), and although the mood and world building is nice the setup is inexplicable – there are planes flying in the world, so why can’t Samantha just take a flight home to the States? And how come Andrew the photographer “has been waiting for this three years” just to “get a shot” when there doesn’t seem to be a shortage of footage of the monsters on the evening news? Towards the end it gets a bit too on the nose, but it’s well acted and worth a gander.

I read 30 days of night (by Steve Niles) not long after it came out, and now we watched the movie. Tura approved although it “wasn’t that scary” – plenty of gore, but as usual in horror plenty of stupid moves and last-stands which we could do without. I have a weak spot for movies which don’t mind killing pets or kids – bonus if a protagonist does it – so the movie has that going for it. Carter was well played, and the makeup and special effects were nice.

We finished the evening with The Shining (Stanley Kubrick / Diane Johnson) which Sara realized she hadn’t seen yet. It’s a brilliant movie still, and has lost none of it’s impact since I first saw it. Halloranns death is still senseless, and with the buildup of his arrival taking so long it’s the closest to comedy it comes. As I’m writing this Tura is going to bed and is complaining that the movie was too scary. Well, she shouldn’t have complained about the timidity of the previous scary movies I guess. Now let’s hope that she manages to fall asleep…

MateuszWatching movies #1